Panties Required

Hey loyal PR fans!  We are doing something different with our dating blog and adding a HE SAID, SHE SAID series where we get both male and female take on the situation!  Enjoy!

She Said:
Have you had something crazy or silly happen to you where when you tell the story years later, you cannot stop laughing while telling the story?  So much so, your stomach hurts and you cannot get a word out?  My dating life has been such a fun roller coaster lately, I decided to journal about it and sometimes share it with you, my loyal 1 reader. I want to one day look back and remind myself of the fun.  Saying YES to most things, has been a by product of my journaling.  I want my life story to be colorful and full so things I would typically not say yes to or do, I tend to now say YES YES YES!

My last date obviously did not read any sort of dating handbook, manual, blog, essay, quote, nada.  He was a early 30 something entertainment biz guy who I would consider Deb the Downer.  His life seemed pretty great but all he could talk about and focus on was how he should be paid more at his job, how if he pursued his passions, maybe he could be a big time now, etc etc.  The point where I almost choked on my shrimp appetizer was when he was telling me his views on dating in LA.  He said girls in LA expect a guy to pay for everything.  That they are superficial and think of dating as a sport where men pay for them to have fun.

For me, I do expect you to pay for the first date, no questions asked.  If I am dating someone, I contribute in ways that I can.  Thoughtful gestures and no, I don’t mind picking up the tab once in awhile.  But if you are taking me out on a ‘date’ (first date mind you), I want to feel like I am being treated like a lady and be taken care of.  Its not like we are in our twenties and struggling.  This guy clearly has nice things and a good job and can afford to take a girl out sometimes.  We ate at a very casual venue which I was totally cool with.  So when the billed arrived, I felt guilty and offered to chip in money.  He let me split the bill with him.  I was so turned off.  Did you not read Steve Harvey’s book?  Should I send him a copy?

Overall, we did have a good time.  I actually thought we connected on many other levels.  He was funny, witty and totally into me.  He was complimentary and sweet.

Am I being superficial?

Not your dude friend,
CJ

HE SAID:

Dear CJ,

Saying YES YES YES is a big step!  I’m glad you’re enjoying the single life, but don’t be afraid to say NO NO  NO when a guy approaches you and you don’t feel any attraction… That’s just a waste of everyone’s time and when you’re on the date and not interested he’s probably going to think your sport dating and ask you to split the bill. 

Regarding your last date… was he REALLY in the entertainment biz?  Really?  Sounds like he worked in the mail room for a company in the ent. biz….  Sounds like he lacks some ambition, drive, and is just a pussy in general. WAAA (crying) I want to make more money, I should be more successful, I woulda, coulda, shoulda… PUHLEESE.  Hey entertainment guy, nobody wants to hear you whine ESPECIALLY A pretty girl who you should be entertaining on a date, not playing therapist to you.  And, guess what dumb a*s… here’s a tip for you:  NEVER take a girl to dinner on the first date, NEVER!  Unless of course you’re really interested and think you need to lock her down for an hour in order to convince her that you’re the one.  How about drinks instead? Happy Hour?  Lunch?  Daytime date at the beach or on the promenade?

CJ, don’t be blinded by what’s starting to be defined as the “typical L.A guy”.  He has “nice things and a good job”.  NEWSFLASH: Just because a guy drives a nice car doesn’t mean his bank account looks good and a good job?  If his job was that great he would not have a problem treating you to dinner.  BTW, lets talk about the typical L.A guy or girl.  Most people who get tagged as the “typical” L.A girl or guy aren’t even from L.A.  Short story is you got blind sided by the perception of this guys success, and you expected more from him due to his nice things and good job.

A successful man does not need to talk about his success and doesn’t need to roll in a $80,000 car in order to demonstrate value.  A simple conversation can usually help you determine a mans success.  CJ, you’re a sweet heart and you know I respect you and your opinions.  In this case you’re all screwed up.  You wanted this guy to be someone he wasn’t from the beginning.  A successful man is successful because he’s applied knowledge he’s learned throughout his life into all areas of his life, not just in business.  A successful man is balanced and constantly working to improve himself in every way.  Plainly spoken, a successful man knows how to treat a lady.  Maybe he just wasn’t that into you?  The other side of the coin will tell you that a successful man is not necessarily a gentleman…. but I’m not sure I agree with that.

Bottom line, is “entertainment guy” is an idiot.  He asked you out, he should have treated.  He didn’t treat either:  1. Because he’s broke 2. He’s not into you  3. He didn’t see a future, another date, or an intimate encounter with you (happening anytime soon) so he figured he’d save some cash since he’d probably never see you again anyway.  Chances are that at 30 something he’s not completely clueless…  No, you’re not superficial, you just wanted to be treated like a lady.

I just realized my tone in this letter is a bit negative… I’m writing this after a conversation I just had with a girl I met on Sunday.  I called her a day later.  We talked for a while and we really got along great on Sunday. Then, during our conversation she called me “dude”.  Ladies, don’t ever call a guy  dude if you’re interested in him, it’s a total turn off and I won’t be calling her back.  But, maybe that’s what she wanted?

Not your dude friend,
BB

Hi Loyal Panties Fans!

Since I’ve been slacking off (still dating and having a ball), here are a few of my favorite online blogs/articles about dating for both men and women!  Enjoy and get back to work!

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/dating-blog/men-playing-hard-to-get

http://guytruths.tumblr.com/

http://www.neilstrauss.com/neil-strauss/

http://www.thisisbrandx.com/2010/06/-need-online-edate-help-call-virtual-dating-assistants.html

http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/07/09/an-updated-guide-to-making-a-classy-exit-from-a-crappy-relatio/

By Carrie Jean-

Happy Friday Readers! I don’t know if July started off on the wrong foot but my girl friends and I have been experiencing a lot of ungentlemanly acts by guys!

I was out a few nights ago with my friend at a nearby upscale bar and grill for dinner and lost my appetite from the behavior of the men present.  We went to this busy restaurant and wanted to sit at the bar.  There were no available barstools at the time so it was no biggie, we would wait until someone got up.  A nice guy that was alone saw us waiting and let us know he was leaving.  Two guys standing next to him decided to up and grab the seat before my girl friend could get on it.  The guy that sat down didn’t see my friend but the guy that was next to him clearly saw that the original guy sitting down gestured to us to take his seat.  Really? Could you not tell your friend to get up and let the lady have the seat?  How disgusting! But since we were both wearing short skirts, the self appointed director of seats “a frequent patron” approached us, offered to buy us drinks, give me his one seat and negotiated to the man next to him to get up for my girl friend to take his seat.  The man was with his wife and they were to be seated any moment as the ‘director’ made arrangements with the hostesses to seat the lovely couple immediately.  So the ‘director’ would finally take the wife’s seat when their table was ready.  The night was turning out not so bad as we had a personal concierge at our beckon call, what a gentleman  .  This is where it got ugly.

When the wife got up, a large man two heads taller than the director snatched his seat.  The director was polite and explained the situation to this massive man but the massive man shouted: I don’t give a F and threw down the bar stool.  The director (thinking the restaurant would back him as he is regular) didn’t back down and a shouting match ensued.  I was scared, grabbed my bag and in an instant was at the other end of the bar fearing getting punched in the face (on accident of course, like big guy swings for director and accidentally hits me, I have an overactive imagination).  My girl friend meanwhile is lagging behind me and even goes back to grab her drink that had one tiny sip left.  No free drink left behind.  Was all that anger necessary big massive guy? He was even there with a date.  What’s the big deal, its only a bar stool, why need to get violent?  We leave from the backdoor without dinner that night because it was just too much.

Ungentlemanly Act #2: I recently went on a first date with this great guy.  I was comfortable with him, we had nice conversation and then our dinner came.  He sucked down his dinner in less than 5 minutes and proceeded to pick his teeth with his nails.  Right in front of me.  I know that is superficial and its about the inside but c’mon, I had to look away like 5 times because I was so uncomfortable.  How do I politely tell him to go to the bathroom if he has to do that without hurting his feelings?  Hey, were you raised by wolves? Chew your food and go to the bathroom if you have to floss!

Ok, I was going to give you one more example but I’m worried HE may be reading this and for some reason I feel bad.  Ha, ha…I’ll mention his absolutely REPULSIVE behavior in another blog.   I can say this much though – If you take a woman out to an event/party and you get so trashed she has to call herself a cab and leave because there’s NO WAY you can drive you really have some growing up to do.

To wrap up, please be a gentleman.  Make your mother proud.  Someone is always watching.  Tell your buddy to get up from the bar stool and let the lady sit.  Don’t embarrass your date by creating an unnecessary scene at a nice establishment. And if you feel like you have something in your teeth, mostly likely you do, go to the bathroom, we don’t want to have to awkwardly look away.  Even if you don’t have manners, fake it please.

By Carrie Jean-

Have you thought about creating a list of what you want in your future mate?  I know you probably have prerequisites in your head (mental list) but have you actually written it down on paper?  I am a huge Oprah fan and have created a ‘dream board’ for my goals and the things I want out of life.  Shockingly, the things I wanted to happen, happened (some, world domination hasn’t been checked off yet, but I am still working on it).  Granted, some of it was diligence and persistence, but bottomline is, it happened.  Kind of like you get out what you put into the universe.  I encourage all you singletons out there to do this silly exercise with me.  Create a list and visit this list often of the qualities you want in your future mate.  You can be as specific as you want (afterall, its your list).  Here is a sample of my list if you are stuck.  And I carry my list in my wallet on an index card.  Nutzo I know, but I don’t care!

Kind Soul & Open Heart
Strong Moral Character & Integrity
Honest & Trustworthy
Positive & Growth Oriented
Makes Me a Priority
We Have Good Chemistry
Self Confident & Take Charge Kind of Man
Thoughtful
Funny
Healthy
Financially Savvy & Generous
Good In Bed (Big you know what)

I have put that energy out there on my index card and let me tell you the more dates I’ve been going on, the closer I am to getting this entire list fulfilled.  Remember I went on a couple of dates with total compatible guy but no chemistry?  I seriously, like an idiot didn’t have chemistry on that list.  Feel free to alter as you get to know what you want better!  I encourage you to be silly and make a list and put that ‘he should drive a black European sports car‘ on that list if that is what you want your future mate to drive.

All my girl friends have a list and some of them run two pages long…You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.  Do it when you are watching re-runs of The Kardashian’s.  You’ve seen that episode already anyways…

The girls and I went on a big girls weekend in nearby Vegas over Memorial Day Holiday.  We were able to pack in so many fun activities that were planned and unplanned.  Basically, nobody got more than 3-4 hours of sleep each night.  While out and about, we met alot of great guys that were from all over the world.

So my question is, do you know anyone who met their mate on vacation?  Does it work out?  Or are you in vacation mode so its more fantasy-like vs. day to day reality?

One observation my friend made about long distance relationships that I completely agree with is that the point in which a long distance relationship moves to the next level of moving to the ‘next step’ (a person moving to the other’s city), it is best when the girl moves to the guy’s city.  And not the other way around.  When the girl moves to the guys town, he can take on his man role and show her around.  Men love to introduce women to new things.  And every girl wants a guy who takes charge and takes care.  If it was the opposite, the pressure would be on the girl to introduce this man to new friends, show him around and always rely on the girl.  If I were in that situation, and someone was relying on me, I would feel claustrophobic.  To take away the man role is to emasculate him.  Girls are able to adapt to new environments better than men in this instance.  Especially if she is madly in love with the guy.  Not to say it will not work out as each situation is different but I am speaking in general terms.

Vegas was truly amazing.  Girl time is so important and each girl takes away from the groups bond and become stronger individuals.

Til next time,
CJ

PS.  At one point while I was dancing at this club at the Wynn, a cute boy asked me to dance.  Come to find out he was 22 years old, and didn’t believe I was in my early 30s.  Am I too old to be going to clubs?  Is there a club for the over 30s?

When you meet up with someone for drinks or dinner on the first couple of dates, the usual questions are always asked.  Where did you grow up?  How many siblings do you have?  What do you do for work?  What do you like to do…blah blah blah.  I often forget the what I like to do part because I am so bored.  Then it just gets worse and I sound as interesting as a thumb tack.

Most of the time, I sit there and politely answer the questions.  But on the inside I am wondering if that piece of salmon on my plate is wild or farm raised.  Then I get disgusted and stop eating all together.  Since dating has been a priority lately, I feel like a broken record.  I have a brother and two sisters who live in outer space.  They don’t have any children because they accidentally ate them…Over and over again…

I guess this is my formal complaint to men to be more creative with the first dates.  Let’s do an activity together.  Take me to a silent party.  I read about this recently, its a party where no one talks.  I would love that, and creepily stare into your eyes!  Take me to do a water sport.  I don’t mind if you see me in my two piece bathing suit from Panties Required (I have the skimpiest one).  Even if we are not meant to be, we can always remember that cool first date we had.  I know, you have to strain your noodle to come up with something out of the box–just google it!

Dear Guy:

I know you don’t want to hear it and I don’t want to talk about it.  Try something else on your next date!

Thanks!

CJ

Written By – Carrie Jean

Steamy Break-Up Sex: It’s like cheesecake-taste good, rich with a smooth texture as your swirl it in your mouth, then turns your stomach upside down an hour later.

Why do we do pointless acts for short term pleasure?  We all know the right thing to do is not have sex with your ex because it will just confuse the situation and not be moving forward.  He is an ex for a reason.  But we seek the thrill, or the moment of fun we get out of it.  I had a rendezvous with a man I broke up with months ago recently and it was as if we were on our first date from a couple years ago.  It was exciting, passionate, hot–I mean, I touched him and he almost combusted!  I wore my highest heels and my sexiest, shortest, leave nothing to the imagination dress. It worked, as his eyes were popping out of his head throughout dinner.  You know what I am talking about, we’ve all done it–STEAMY BREAK-UP SEX.  Are we unable to see the big picture that nothing good (except right now when we are both naked) will come out of this?  Should our society change the way we think and stop with the instant gratification?  How do we curb that?  Maybe I am just not mature enough to do the right thing…When will that maturity come (I am in my thirties)?

My girl friend has the same dilemna.  She is hanging out with a boy 8 years younger than her.  They workout at the gym together.  All she wants to do is have sex with him and nothing else.  Her very dear, wise married friend tells her not to get involved (ocxytocin, emotions and etc.) and all she wants to do and still may do is jump this hot young boy.  She knows it’s not good for her and nothing but total short term fun followed by hurt feelings and a path to nowhere will come of it.  How come we know what’s good and still do the bad?

I know how to protect my friend from walking into traffic and getting hit by a car by saying “Stop! There’s a car coming”, how come I don’t know how to protect my heart from these thrilling situations?  ”Stop! I know you want to show him what sex on heels looks like but don’t you realize you are only torturing the most important person, you!”  Change comes from repetition.  Change comes from repetition.  Today, I vow to protect my heart.

Dear Universe: Help me help myself to take the path less traveled.  Being locked up somewhere may help.  Just a thought.

PS. Today’s blog is dedicated to a loyal reader Frank…yes, you Frank

Written by- Carrie Jean
I recently read this article about the Golden Door Spa.  It’s a primo exclusive place where the uber rich go to detox from crazy work schedules.  Supposedly not only is a fru fru spa but they also have a intense workout regime that they put you through.  Getting a tee shirt from there is like a ‘big deal’.  The people that go there tend to have 10,000 shares of Berkshire Hathaway Stock, and that is A Stock, not B Stock.  Any joe schmo, me, can own B Stock now.  For those of you who don’t know, A Stock is around $100,000 per share (now times 10,000).  What I took away from this article was the advice of their resident zen guru Annharriet Buck.  Her advice for people to get “unstuck” or out of a rut is to focus on the word “contrast”.

If you have been sitting, stand.
If you have been staying home, travel.
If you have been learning, teach.
If you have been walking, run.
Basically do the opposite of what you are doing.  This was her take on applying it to life but it also resonates with dating.  Even in the relationship advice books, they often tell you to change up your routine.  If you bring lunch to work, eat out!  If you cook at home, cruise the prepared food section at Whole Foods.  Mix up your routine.  There is truth to the phrase, opposites attract.  You may be a homebody who enjoys watching a movie on a Friday night but that special someone may like to go to rock concerts.  Do different things!  That is what makes life interesting and full.

If you recently got back into the dating scene, its good to tell people.  When I told people, I was instantly setup by friends and family.  During that time, I had more dates a week than I could keep up with (it was very flattering).  And they were quality men who had a vouch!  Make sure you let people know that you are single and looking so YOU are on their radar.

As for where to meet men, my favorite of the moment is happy hour.  The men that come into happy hour from my experience have a been professionals (having a decent job in your 30s is a prerequisite).  Pick the happy hours near office buildings or at nice steakhouses.  Men love steak.  If you are vegetarian and don’t mind dating a meat eater, have some fries!  On a recent outing to BOA Steakhouse on Sunset Blvd in LA, the new steakhouse of the moment, not only did my two girl friends and I have the best time but we met a slew of men!

We were just being ourselves talking and laughing and this guy wanted to join in on our conversation (this has happened more than once–men love to eavesdrop).  He was an attractive 40 something gentleman who was sitting by himself waiting for friends.  His contribution to our conversation was the male perspective to our topic…but his bigger contribution was when his party of 13 dudes arrived.  They were celebrating his brother’s birthday after a long day of golf at the Los Angeles Golf Club (where Justin Timberlake golfs) and everyone brought a bottle of wine.  One of my girl friend’s a waitress and was familiar with the pricey bottles.  I only recognized the Opus One as that is like a famous expensive wine.  The point is these men were established and good prospects.  Numbers were exchanged that night.

So the take away today is to do the opposite of what your doing.  Go rock climbing if you are afraid of heights (just kidding) but hang out in a rock climbing facility!  Let people know that you are available and happy hour is way better than that night club on a Saturday night!

Next topic: Ladies, do you dress for women or for men?

Written by our new guest ‘Dating’ blogger: Carrie Jean

So I must admit, I am a self help relationship book junkie.  I find the information empowering, entertaining and fascinating.  From both the books, Mars and Venus on a Date by John Gray and Become Your Own Matchmaker by Patti Stanger (of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker fame) the role of a man is suppose to pursue like when Tom chases Jerry or was it Jerry chases Tom?  Not sure which one is which but you get the picture.  Even on her TV show, Patti says, men need to be the hunters.  I completely agree with both of these ‘experts’ but from recent experiences in the single scene in LA, this is not the case.

Last night my girl friend and I went to a going away party for her friend.  It was a fun party with a great crowd.  There sits this British guy in his mid 30s, a little receding hairline/dirty blonde gray hair with a handsome face who my girl friend starts a conversation with.  She is engaging, smiling and giving him all the signs.  He just moved from the UK two months ago (probably doesn’t know a lot of people and didn’t seem gay) and seems to be reciprocating to her as well.  We stay for an hour or so and before we leave he makes it a point to tell her that he will be attending a play (flyers were being passed out at the event) this Sunday.  And???

When we left the Mexican restaurant (chips and salsa were delicious, very spicy Antonio’s on Melrose), my girl friend turned to me and said–‘What the hell just happened?  I was a sure thing for you buddy:  your bald, gray and tall (her last 3 beaus were bald, gray and gray)”.  If she had a type, he would have been it.  You may be thinking my girlfriend is unattractive.  She’s not.  Once we were in San Francisco a few years ago and while getting into a cab to leave a bar at the Clifton Hotel (Rosewood Bar), she made eyes a this handsome GQ model guy on the way out  and he literally ran after us in the street to stop the cab and speak to her to get her number.  She’s definitely top ten percentile of hot girls and not just from a girls perspective way.

Not sure if today’s man is insecure, complacent or women have allowed them not to have to pursue.  We as women should not have to do the heavy lifting in this instance.  Once I tried to setup a guy (in his late 30s) with a girl friend of mine because I thought they would be a good match.  I gave this guy her number and made it a point to have him call her and he didn’t.  Instead he Facebook’d her.  She didn’t like that so much.  This is a common story.  Or another complaint I see a lot of is asking a girl out on a date via email.  Really?  Is this what it has come to?  Its happened to me and it just today happened to my girl friend.  Women want you to ask them out in person or on the phone period!  Not this round about ninny BS!  Be a man, step up!

Part of the role of a man in the male and female dynamic is to take that risk and step up.  Yes, nobody likes rejection but in order to win, you have to play.  Someone told me Babe Ruth hit the most home runs at one point but he also struck out just as much.  Like NIKE says, ‘just do it’.  Better to than left wondering.  Feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts.

Next week I will discuss the best places to meet someone (from in person research and also lots of reading).  In this instance I do the heavy lifting for you readers!